Cool jokes

[ptcxyz]

Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly." 


Happy weekend guys....................

This one had me going!

[AhmadF]

Emmm.... maybe I'll do below actions if Ms Aurora reject my love.... 
Method 4 looks like a good idea... LOL 

A Guide To Properly Commit Suicide On 5 Different Methods
When it life is nothing but to be ended..what are the best suicide methods to use ?

Method 1 : Sleep Pills
Characteristic : This has to be the smoothest, most comfortable and efficient method, the success rate could even be up to 90% … suitable for all ages, races and religious … Used very often by female to avoid the painful feeling and being afraid of death itself.
Because it's a death in sleep, sleep and never get up..it works so softly like a good night sleep to take you to the next world. Besides sleep pills there are also other medication with similar effect when taken in high dosage without following prescription or direction of use.
How to do it :
– Run to your local CVS or Safeway store and spend the rest of everything in your wallet, small changes, credit cards and debit cards to buy bunch of sleep pills, if it's not enough you can try a different store… approximately 150 packages would be beautiful. If the cashier or someone asks just say : I buy to gift my friends.
– After that, sneak into your room , lock the door carefully because if you get caught it's gonna be really hard to make another attempt next time…It's best to rent a hotel room to continue the process, it's clean , easy and you may even make it to the daily newspaper.
– Then you gonna need to boil about 5 gallon of water, try not to use tap water since it may cause diarrhea, very inconvenient, disgusting and kinda impolite to people who's gonna open your dead body to investigate the cause of dead. Now it's time to suck clean the 150 packages you brought…even when you are getting sleepy in the middle of it you must try to stay awake and finish them all.
If no one catches you doing this then you may now die… fast, simple, and easy to complete.

Method 2 : Jump into river, jump off a bridge
Characteristic : This method causes death by the help of aqua…Water go into your mouth, into your nose, your bellybutton …blocks your respiration pathway, f*ck if it's impossible to breath … then, you die.
This plan is particularly not for people who's afraid of death, because naturally, to tell someone to jump off a bridge from a 3 miles in height to the water, no regular dude would do it.
It is also not for swimmer, Because during the last few breath of suffering, the need to live motivation definitely makes you swim like a fish to land… for the record , the swim speed could be up to 80 mph in some unfinished suicidal cases.
How to do it :
– Find a nearby river, or some pond around your area. It is very important to find a deep water location, it's known to be very difficult to die in shallow water since you can stand that's why…it's the best to find some place water level higher than a 4 feet tall man…avoid to use river or pond near to your house..it's more likely that your neighborhood might interrupt you, they could even drag you away from the water.
– Remember to wear a lot of clothes, that helps put more into the total body weight so you can drown easily and much faster. It also makes it harder if someone decides to save you. Don't jump down naked, especially for girls. Random boys probably just wait for this god-given chance to jump and save you ..it's nearly impossible to die with them around. Even worse after that comes the hero doing the free CPR aid, massage on your naked body and further unexpected action. Worse than death itself!
– It's totally fine for bigger person to do this method, if you are skinny and petite it's recommended to tie a robe around your neck and the other end of the robe to a heavy rock then throw it straight to the water…now even if you want to come up it won't give a chance. So there you gone, enjoy the after life
Note : This method seems not to be commonly used, because after 3 days your body comes up to the surface, swollen like a hyppo, eyes popped out..extremely ugly. For those who prefer to be a beautiful corpse for your beautiful coffin , do not use this method.

Method 3 : Hang yourself
Characteristic : This is also a way to die from a blocked respiration system, but it's different thanks to the rope and the gravity. UNESCO has voted for it as the most haunting, scary death of the year. What else could be more terrifying than a dead body hung in the middle of the house from the ceiling.
This way of suicide does not harm your body very much, only a line of bruise around the neck..and a pale face like a rotten grape. Avoid using sharp rope that results in completely separate head from body like those cases in Iraq.
How to do it :
– Location is not so limit like the last two method of using sleep pills or jump off a bridge..you only need to find a quiet less-crowded place, where no one around. Be sure to find something high off the ground so you can throw the rope up later.
– When you have found it, throw your rope over it…it could be a tree branch , the upper vertical bar of a soccer goal, a ceiling fan, basketball hoop etc … Make sure it's strong enough to hold your body up for at least 15 minutes…because if you fall down , it's going to be a different cause of death not hanging type anymore.
– Not to mention the rope you use to hang yourself, it has to be hard, familiar to you to comfort your death..! It could be your belt, your scarf, pig rope…do not use silk thread! Also before your last breath try to show your tongue out , squeeze your eyes super hard…to emphasize the level of creepiness.
– Also be noted about how to properly tie a secured knot for your rope…if you don't know how to do it you should ask someone to help you to do it..then you can use it to die later.

Method 4 : Die from a road accident
Characteristic :
– Of course that this is NOT a fortunate and unpurpose death.. but it is a well planned method..therefore theoretically it's a type of suicide.
– This kind of suicide is actually a little bit insane, only for people who are too upset with the world and unable to control their emotion..then use it. Good thing is it comes and ends pretty fast.
– Note : If it's unlucky that you don't die after the car hit then it's going to be a big disaster for yourself..! broken legs, broken arms, broken penis…but not dead…continue to live is nothing could be worse than that..especially a vegetable life. Bless those who success to die on the ambulance to hospital.
– This method has been especially posted on the front page of Time News to show their support to the week of most terrible suicides around the world. Because it's really creepy…who ever sees it definitely gives up eating for few days..! You could be crushed into pieces like the meat balls rolling…or missing head, missing middle body or even worse..some dog might pick your brain for food.
Direction :
– You have to be ready and well prepared to perform all the steps…Therefore patiently calm yourself with a cup of coffe, have a small McDonald meal while waiting. Do not eat too much because shortly after the accident, all those food may just splash everywhere on the road, that would soooo be an embarrassment.
– Done eating yet? Now go to your nearest main street or a high way…look for the biggest fastest coming van or suv. Determine your footstep and direction.
– After that simply throw your head straight to the front of that car..you must be quick and clean else the driver may notice and ruins the entire plan.
– If it is done properly you should feel no pain, only 1 loud sound : Baaaaaaaaaaam then your soul and body are separated…that'll make a crowd..goal achieved.
– You could also roll under the car if you try to keep your brain in place..if you are a bit too fat you should not do this because it may flip the car since it's coming at high speed.
Note :
This method works well for people who still think of their family, because the life insurance may pay big time. Of course you must act your suicide that it looks like an accident.
This method also helps you to be famous quickly, got into the news like MJ, a fancy furneral even…otherwise your date of birth could be a record for future lottery bidder.

Method 5 Electrocution
Characteristic :
– This must be the most complicated, difficult and brainstorming plan.
Very less people prefer to this method, if there is, it would be only well educated person..or whoever wanna die in a strange way..!
– This method is also similar to people who gets hit by the lightning and die…both related to electric energy…but suicide by lightning is really rare fyi.
– If you want this kind of death considers a few turn downs such as a totally burned body that looks like coal…hairless corpse…the entire body smells like a dead dog..ugliness comes with no border, even the teeth turn absolute dark.
– This suicide method guarantees an instant popularity to the body owner, since the rare one is always the awesome one.
Direction :
Very complicated..because it's unsure whether you will die or not. Depend on the outlet source you use to commit your death.
– If you point your finger to the regular home outlet and you don't die then you plus your family end up spending the rest of the life paying medical bills.
– It's best to find the high voltage source such as those on the streets or near metro stations ..you know, those one with the skeleton head and crossing bones it should be easy to recognize them from many places. Then climb up the thing, by all means find a way to stick your finger inside where the energy travel…your wish then will be granted. A requirement is you must be an educated person to know specifically where there is electricity running.
– During the shock do not pull your finger back…try to stay in touch with it until it's almost light out..then drop to the ground..if some dude runs to your try to help , under no circumstances should you let him touch you, tell him to gtfo or whatever it may work or come up from your dead brain..because if he does touch you he'll get shocked and probably die too . That makes you end up committing a crime before your death. It won't be good for your future record.
– It's also possible for a more advanced suicide method by take use of the power of lightning…When it pours…climb up to the top of the highest building..make sure you bring a metal pole and raise it high over your head point toward to the dark cloud and wait…!! It's the most efficient way. Because if you wait under a tree it's going to take forever to happen…even when it happens you may not be there anymore.

THE END or rather R.I.P